Information is Power
This should not come as a surprise to anyone born after 1980, but information is indeed power. Although owning a sword may seem powerful, it probably just means you like Braveheart too much, or frequent a few too many medieval fairs. And in case you were asking yourself "What exactly constitutes 'too many medieval fairs,' Rocket?" I will tell you. The answer is one. One is too many Having lots of money may seem powerful, but in the end you will lose that money to someone who is more informed than you. Or, in many cases, someone more alive than you. Information, in our world of information superhighways and fiber-optic cruises, is the most powerful thing you can own.
This fact, of course, is why I am so very particular about who I share my own personal information with. You may know by now that I do not generally share my given first name. Ever. Not even with my parents. So imagine my surprise the other day when I was in a local "box retailer" (not a place that sells boxes, mind you, but a store shaped like a box) and I was entered in to a "competition" to win discounts and such from the store. Their method of entry? Signing up for their particular store's credit card. Now you may think, "Rocket! Of course you didn't do that! Of course you didn't! Didn't you?" The answer is that I did. Because I wanted to win. I always want to win. However, in those situations where I am forced to share personal information, I have a very important rule that I want to share with you, my dedicated followers.
Always take more personal information than you give.
Sometimes you are forced to give information. You have no choice. However, if information is power, you want to walk away taking more power than you've given. Let me use the above situation as an example.
I was being helped at my computer station by a very pushy sales person who refused to give me a straight answer about how my information would be used. Thus, when she asked me things like, "What's your address," and "What is your annual income?" I began to ask her questions like, "Are you married," and "How many, if any, puppies do you own at any given time." Of course she was slightly taken aback, but seemed dedicated to making this transaction work. So I walked away with a name, address, and consumer profile of my contest worker. How did I pull this off? I am the Rocket. That's how. In fact this is not the first time I have pulled this off.
So I walked away feeling more powerful, yet kind of annoyed because an unwanted Mastercard is heading my way in the mail. But I'll just get Wendel, my P.A.T. to take care of that situation when it arises. But little do these contest mongers know that one day, they will begin receiving mail from the Rocket. Perhaps it will be advertising my new line of cosmetics. Maybe my new collection of old 70's music will come calling. I may just send a lovely Christmas card. Nonetheless, they will get more mail than they ever caused me to receive, and thus, I will win.
And I always win.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Rocket Rule #6
Goals are Great
Every successful person needs goals. As a successologist, my goal (in the grand scheme of things) is always success. Your goal should also be success. Always. I suspect that if you make it your goal to be almost as successful as the Rocket, you will do well for yourself. Not as well as me of course, but that is pretty much a given.
However, on your success journey you may find that the grand idea of "success" is simply too large or too abstract for your mediocre mind to grasp. That's when it is important to set goals along your way.
You must set goals! Just take a moment to think about that. Breathe it in. Along your successological path you need little landmarks to show your progress. Perhaps your goal is a promotion at work. Perhaps it is to get work. Perhaps it is simply to win. Let me share a story with you.
While recently working at the library, I learned of a short story contest. It was a contest that had been going on all summer long, but no one had told the Rocket. No surprise there. Nobody ever tells the Rocket about competitions, because the Rocket wins competitions. At any rate, this was a short story competition where the entry had to be a story about one's favourite summer pastime. I found out about this competition 3 days before the deadline. I made it my goal to win this competition. I finished my story that night. Two days before the deadline, when I went to submit my story, I found out that this competition was for children aged 12 and under. Now it is important to note that any goal you set will have obstacles. The obstacle may even seem impossible, much like this one did. I clearly cannot reverse my age (although the patent for that technology is pending). What could I do to achieve my goal?
You must do everything in your power to achieve your goal! In this case, I got my P.A.T. Wendel to pretend he is 12 (he's 14) and take the story in for me. The ruse was successful. The following week it was announced that my story won! I was set to receive a $50 gift certificate for Toys 'R' Us. However, I foolishly went to the ceremony to receive my prize, and was roundly booed off the stage and disqualified. Humiliating, but no matter. I had acheived my goal! And you too, dear reader, can achieve your goals. Do not let any silly obstacles stand in your way.
Just because I know you want to read it, here is my current list of goals:
1. Teach Wendel to take messages, not just say "whatever" and hang up the phone.
2. Become Mayor of a medium sized town before the age of 25.
3. Meet a girl.
4. Live under the ocean.
I recommend that if you have made success your goal, you go ahead and make a goal list like mine. But not exactly like mine, because that is stealing. And I will find you if you ever become the mayor of a medium sized town at 23 years old.
Every successful person needs goals. As a successologist, my goal (in the grand scheme of things) is always success. Your goal should also be success. Always. I suspect that if you make it your goal to be almost as successful as the Rocket, you will do well for yourself. Not as well as me of course, but that is pretty much a given.
However, on your success journey you may find that the grand idea of "success" is simply too large or too abstract for your mediocre mind to grasp. That's when it is important to set goals along your way.
You must set goals! Just take a moment to think about that. Breathe it in. Along your successological path you need little landmarks to show your progress. Perhaps your goal is a promotion at work. Perhaps it is to get work. Perhaps it is simply to win. Let me share a story with you.
While recently working at the library, I learned of a short story contest. It was a contest that had been going on all summer long, but no one had told the Rocket. No surprise there. Nobody ever tells the Rocket about competitions, because the Rocket wins competitions. At any rate, this was a short story competition where the entry had to be a story about one's favourite summer pastime. I found out about this competition 3 days before the deadline. I made it my goal to win this competition. I finished my story that night. Two days before the deadline, when I went to submit my story, I found out that this competition was for children aged 12 and under. Now it is important to note that any goal you set will have obstacles. The obstacle may even seem impossible, much like this one did. I clearly cannot reverse my age (although the patent for that technology is pending). What could I do to achieve my goal?
You must do everything in your power to achieve your goal! In this case, I got my P.A.T. Wendel to pretend he is 12 (he's 14) and take the story in for me. The ruse was successful. The following week it was announced that my story won! I was set to receive a $50 gift certificate for Toys 'R' Us. However, I foolishly went to the ceremony to receive my prize, and was roundly booed off the stage and disqualified. Humiliating, but no matter. I had acheived my goal! And you too, dear reader, can achieve your goals. Do not let any silly obstacles stand in your way.
Just because I know you want to read it, here is my current list of goals:
1. Teach Wendel to take messages, not just say "whatever" and hang up the phone.
2. Become Mayor of a medium sized town before the age of 25.
3. Meet a girl.
4. Live under the ocean.
I recommend that if you have made success your goal, you go ahead and make a goal list like mine. But not exactly like mine, because that is stealing. And I will find you if you ever become the mayor of a medium sized town at 23 years old.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Rocket Rule #5
If you Can't Swim, Stay out of the Water
Minor scare yesterday. The rocket went to a local 1812 war reenactment, which happened to be in some very heavy driving rain. Now, the reenactment went well enough, considering that the 1812 war never even remotely touched the west coast of Canada. So we all got together in Fort Langley and traded the fur trapping stories of our ancestors as if they were our own. Anyways, in the midst of this thrilling reenactment, I managed to leave my precious blackberry in the rain. This was the scare. The blackberry wouldn't start. It wouldn't even blink at me. Bad news indeed, since I've been waiting on a call from a few movie producers regarding my recently finished screenplay. Yes, I finished a screenplay, and no, I won't be posting it on here for all the internet copyright infringers to rip off and make a fortune from my work. Also, I don't have time for all my readers' well meaning but unnerving grammatical and spelling corrections.
At any rate, my blackberry was suffering from a severe case of wetness. And here I thought blackberries thrived with a little watering. That was a pun. If you didn't get it, I don't have time to explain it. I brought it home and put it by my heater overnight. And in the morning, huzzah! It turned on and beeped and got emails and everything. But this little scare led me to thinking. Sometimes in life, people want to rain on your parade. Hard, driving rain that soaks you to the core while you're trying to explain to your peers how you tore apart a bobcat with your bare hands because it was trying to eat your beaver pelts. They try to throw insults at you like, "Hey Rocket, you'll never get off the ground," or "Hey Rocket, your girlfriend called, she says she doesn't exist!" Never listen to these people! If you can't handle opposition, you're probably not cut out to be a successologist. Or even successful. Even regular people get rained on sometimes. Us successful people just seem to face it more often.
So if you can't swim, stay out of the water. Go be a professional video game player, or some kind of hermit. For the rest of you, be ready for the rain.
Minor scare yesterday. The rocket went to a local 1812 war reenactment, which happened to be in some very heavy driving rain. Now, the reenactment went well enough, considering that the 1812 war never even remotely touched the west coast of Canada. So we all got together in Fort Langley and traded the fur trapping stories of our ancestors as if they were our own. Anyways, in the midst of this thrilling reenactment, I managed to leave my precious blackberry in the rain. This was the scare. The blackberry wouldn't start. It wouldn't even blink at me. Bad news indeed, since I've been waiting on a call from a few movie producers regarding my recently finished screenplay. Yes, I finished a screenplay, and no, I won't be posting it on here for all the internet copyright infringers to rip off and make a fortune from my work. Also, I don't have time for all my readers' well meaning but unnerving grammatical and spelling corrections.
At any rate, my blackberry was suffering from a severe case of wetness. And here I thought blackberries thrived with a little watering. That was a pun. If you didn't get it, I don't have time to explain it. I brought it home and put it by my heater overnight. And in the morning, huzzah! It turned on and beeped and got emails and everything. But this little scare led me to thinking. Sometimes in life, people want to rain on your parade. Hard, driving rain that soaks you to the core while you're trying to explain to your peers how you tore apart a bobcat with your bare hands because it was trying to eat your beaver pelts. They try to throw insults at you like, "Hey Rocket, you'll never get off the ground," or "Hey Rocket, your girlfriend called, she says she doesn't exist!" Never listen to these people! If you can't handle opposition, you're probably not cut out to be a successologist. Or even successful. Even regular people get rained on sometimes. Us successful people just seem to face it more often.
So if you can't swim, stay out of the water. Go be a professional video game player, or some kind of hermit. For the rest of you, be ready for the rain.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
People the World Forgot #1
The Constant Gardener
First, let me clear the air. I've had people bugging me all week, "Rocket, you said this new feature would be coming out on your blog soon. It's been exactly 20 days since you said that! How soon is soon? HOW SOON IS SOON?" Needless to say I've had to console a few tearful readers this week as they pitifully attempt to regain composure. Let me explain what "soon" means. "Soon" means "when I deem it appropriate." It seems rather arbitrary to me that someone would attempt to assign a concrete time value to "soon." It is my ability to thwart people's time conceptions that aids in my success, and my use of "soon" in the previous article is no exception. Imagine if those crying masses of humanity had been bigshot executives trying to make a deal with me. "Rocket, we'd like to purchase your blog, your upcoming book, and any future intellectual property, for quite a hefty sum, as it states here on this contract. Will you sign it?" "Soon," I say, "I'll sign it soon." Well, they go away happy, thinking that they had pulled one over on the old Rocket. However, as two weeks go by, they get a little nervous. Three weeks go by, and perhaps the Rocket's blog mentions that the Rocket has been in discussion with other executives from a different soul crushing publisher. In about a month, they come back to the Rocket with a new contract, soaked with their tears and inked in their blood, offering to purchase my limitless intellectual potential for an equally unimaginable sum. That, my friends, is how you use time to your advantage. And that was a bonus rocket rule for the astute reader.
However, I digress. Let us discuss the first of many "People the World Forgot." Today's subject is a man I have named, "The Constant Gardener," or, "Gardener" for short. He is a short man, probably in his mid fifties. He is surprisingly thin and hatty. By hatty I mean that he always wears one of those bucket hats, with his wispy white sideburns sneaking out the side. He has a blue windbreaker that he wears with equal ferocity in the heat of summer and the bone biting cold of winter. His jeans are always of a dad variety - a little tight, yet kind of bulky, with pockets full of odds and ends. He seems to be quite enamoured with his swiss army knife, which I have to constantly tell him to put away, for fear that he'll cut his rather delicate fingers. He seems odorless, but tends to carry a hint of cedar.
Every Wednesday afternoon, the Constant Gardener comes in to the library. He sits down at the table and reads the newspaper. Oddly though, he doesn't read the BC Province, or the Vancouver Sun. No, this man comes to the library to read the local newspaper. It often makes me wonder if he has a house. He hems and haws about the state of the (local) world for about 20 minutes. And he always folds up the "Wanda's Flower Follies" page and sticks it into his bulky pockets. Sometimes he uses his little swiss army knife to cut out the article itself and sneak it away before I can stop him. I never really try to stop him though, I find his pettiness distasteful. After this, he comes to me and asks me the same question: "Hey there cowboy [yes he calls me cowboy], do you have anything new in your gardening section?" To which I reply, "Not since last Wednesday." He then looks around awkwardly (Think Dwight from the office when he does his Jim impression), raps his fingers on the table, and mutters something to himself as he walks away. For six weeks now I've been trying to decipher what he's muttering. I think it's something along the lines of, "I'll never get this job done." Or perhaps, "Damn kids!" Anyways, he saunters out of the library and in to the light of day, never to be seen until next Wednesday.
Here's my theory. When the Gardener was in college, he met a girl. He promised her a big house with a beautiful garden full of roses and shrubs and petunias and such. She was delighted by his promise and they got engaged. However, she went on a backpacking trip to Europe that summer and met a strong yet sensitive Greek man who refused to take no for an answer. She fell in love and never returned. Ever since, the Gardener has been pining over his lost love, and constantly planning to start that garden he promised her so long ago. If only he could find the right book . . .
The lesson we can learn from this man: Don't fall in love. It impedes success. Also, bucket hats are unsavoury. And of course, you can't keep looking for the magic book that will help you start a successful project. You have to just start, and the books will come.
Wow, that was almost jedi-like.
First, let me clear the air. I've had people bugging me all week, "Rocket, you said this new feature would be coming out on your blog soon. It's been exactly 20 days since you said that! How soon is soon? HOW SOON IS SOON?" Needless to say I've had to console a few tearful readers this week as they pitifully attempt to regain composure. Let me explain what "soon" means. "Soon" means "when I deem it appropriate." It seems rather arbitrary to me that someone would attempt to assign a concrete time value to "soon." It is my ability to thwart people's time conceptions that aids in my success, and my use of "soon" in the previous article is no exception. Imagine if those crying masses of humanity had been bigshot executives trying to make a deal with me. "Rocket, we'd like to purchase your blog, your upcoming book, and any future intellectual property, for quite a hefty sum, as it states here on this contract. Will you sign it?" "Soon," I say, "I'll sign it soon." Well, they go away happy, thinking that they had pulled one over on the old Rocket. However, as two weeks go by, they get a little nervous. Three weeks go by, and perhaps the Rocket's blog mentions that the Rocket has been in discussion with other executives from a different soul crushing publisher. In about a month, they come back to the Rocket with a new contract, soaked with their tears and inked in their blood, offering to purchase my limitless intellectual potential for an equally unimaginable sum. That, my friends, is how you use time to your advantage. And that was a bonus rocket rule for the astute reader.
However, I digress. Let us discuss the first of many "People the World Forgot." Today's subject is a man I have named, "The Constant Gardener," or, "Gardener" for short. He is a short man, probably in his mid fifties. He is surprisingly thin and hatty. By hatty I mean that he always wears one of those bucket hats, with his wispy white sideburns sneaking out the side. He has a blue windbreaker that he wears with equal ferocity in the heat of summer and the bone biting cold of winter. His jeans are always of a dad variety - a little tight, yet kind of bulky, with pockets full of odds and ends. He seems to be quite enamoured with his swiss army knife, which I have to constantly tell him to put away, for fear that he'll cut his rather delicate fingers. He seems odorless, but tends to carry a hint of cedar.
Every Wednesday afternoon, the Constant Gardener comes in to the library. He sits down at the table and reads the newspaper. Oddly though, he doesn't read the BC Province, or the Vancouver Sun. No, this man comes to the library to read the local newspaper. It often makes me wonder if he has a house. He hems and haws about the state of the (local) world for about 20 minutes. And he always folds up the "Wanda's Flower Follies" page and sticks it into his bulky pockets. Sometimes he uses his little swiss army knife to cut out the article itself and sneak it away before I can stop him. I never really try to stop him though, I find his pettiness distasteful. After this, he comes to me and asks me the same question: "Hey there cowboy [yes he calls me cowboy], do you have anything new in your gardening section?" To which I reply, "Not since last Wednesday." He then looks around awkwardly (Think Dwight from the office when he does his Jim impression), raps his fingers on the table, and mutters something to himself as he walks away. For six weeks now I've been trying to decipher what he's muttering. I think it's something along the lines of, "I'll never get this job done." Or perhaps, "Damn kids!" Anyways, he saunters out of the library and in to the light of day, never to be seen until next Wednesday.
Here's my theory. When the Gardener was in college, he met a girl. He promised her a big house with a beautiful garden full of roses and shrubs and petunias and such. She was delighted by his promise and they got engaged. However, she went on a backpacking trip to Europe that summer and met a strong yet sensitive Greek man who refused to take no for an answer. She fell in love and never returned. Ever since, the Gardener has been pining over his lost love, and constantly planning to start that garden he promised her so long ago. If only he could find the right book . . .
The lesson we can learn from this man: Don't fall in love. It impedes success. Also, bucket hats are unsavoury. And of course, you can't keep looking for the magic book that will help you start a successful project. You have to just start, and the books will come.
Wow, that was almost jedi-like.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Public Library: Home to the People the World Forgot
This marks the beginning of a new feature section here on "The Rocket Rides Again." Those in the field of success can often learn much by studying those outside of their chosen field - i.e. by studying the unsuccessful. The library is a rich environment for studying such people. It is indeed a flourishing ecosystem of failure. The socially unaware and the remarkably mediocre seem to congregate at the library on a daily basis. And the Rocket gets an inside look at what not to do in his pursuit of glory.
"Now Rocket," you say, "that seems like an unfair assessment of the library's constituency. Surely many successful people also use the library." I tell you unequivocally that this is not true. Ask yourself this question reader: "How often do I go to the public library?" Follow it up with this question: "How successful am I?" I would argue that there is a direct correlation in our society between library visitation and success. Your life would probably prove it.
This section will evaluate the lives of some of the library's most dedicated patrons through the snapshots provided by my observations of, and interactions with them in my place of employment. I think that by this point in my journey I have learned enough about success to know what makes someone unsuccessful. I will use these observations in hopes of pointing my readers in the right direction, a direction that makes them not quite as successful as me.
I think that's a sufficient introduction. Stay tuned for "Person the World Forgot #1," which is coming soon.
"Now Rocket," you say, "that seems like an unfair assessment of the library's constituency. Surely many successful people also use the library." I tell you unequivocally that this is not true. Ask yourself this question reader: "How often do I go to the public library?" Follow it up with this question: "How successful am I?" I would argue that there is a direct correlation in our society between library visitation and success. Your life would probably prove it.
This section will evaluate the lives of some of the library's most dedicated patrons through the snapshots provided by my observations of, and interactions with them in my place of employment. I think that by this point in my journey I have learned enough about success to know what makes someone unsuccessful. I will use these observations in hopes of pointing my readers in the right direction, a direction that makes them not quite as successful as me.
I think that's a sufficient introduction. Stay tuned for "Person the World Forgot #1," which is coming soon.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Rocket Rule #4
Use the Robots to Your Advantage
Technology is everywhere. You can't get away from it. Most of it is useless, but some of it is utterly invaluable. Take for example, the internet. Because of this technological breakthrough, people all over the world can connect with each other and work together. Hopelessly lonely people suddenly get another shot at love. Advertisers have thousands of new, annoying ways to get in your face. And you get to read the most important blog of your life.
Of course, without the internet, we wouldn't have blogs to begin with. And you would be languishing in your home, by your hearth, choking on the dust from an ancient book. And you would be alone, with no one to cuddle you or give you the heimlich. Tragic. We lost so many good people that way. But now books no longer have the chokehold on our society they once did. You can now read in short, digital spurts thanks to the internet. Really, all technology has been doing for the last 100 years or so is trying to catch up to our pitifully short attention spans. And now finally we have success. But I digress.
Technology can and should be used to your advantage, if you are living in the world of success. Of course, the world of success is something you create for yourself using certain tools. Technology is one of those tools. We're all familiar with cellphones (I should hope). Cellphones are great tools. For example, I used my cellphone a couple of days ago to tell those suckers at the library I wouldn't be coming in to work as I had previous Star Wars marathon engagements. Now I know what you're all thinking: "What a totally predictable reason for the Rocket to skip work." To you who are thinking that, I would say, "Why don't you go ahead and watch another art school, coming of age bore-athon, and let me enjoy one of the greatest cinematic experiences of all time." Moving on . . .
Email. What a concept. I can send mail electronically to whomever I wish on whatever topic. So, for example, I can mail (via the internet), excerpts from my upcoming book to various publishers. Thanks to email I can also get wonderfully form-letter answers like, "Thanks for your contribution to (publishing company). We value your creative work and unique perspective. However at this time we regret to inform you that we are uninterested in pursuing the work you have submitted. [I found that line to be a little harsh] Thank you again for your time." Painful, but at least I didn't have to wait a week for some mugwamp in boots to stick the response in a little box in front of my mom's house. That's the beauty of email.
Two great technologies. Two very important weapons in the successologist's arsenal. But what if those two weapons suddenly became ONE WEAPON?? I speak, of course, of the Blackberry.
The Rocket is now the proud owner of a Blackberry.
And it's not one of those "Blackberry Pearls," which are designed for women and power babies. No, this is a thick and meaty piece of equipment. The kind that makes passersby think, "Why is that guy talking on his calculator?" This item serves two purposes:
1. Efficiency booster. One writer I've been reading refers to these little items as "steroids." They supercharge my efficiency. I can now talk to someone while texting them and emailing them at the same time. A three pronged rocket assault! That just can't be beat. I can now overwhelm my opponents with efficiency. And the big guys have to sit up and take notice when a now hypercharged Rocket goes shooting through their atmosphere. I can't lose!
2. Status Symbol. People respect a man with a chunky phone. Have you watched an 80's movie lately? Who are the power brokers in any 80's movie? The guys with the huge phones! We may have tried to convince ourselves that smaller is better, but who's kidding who? A larger than life man carries a larger than life phone. That's just a fact.
So let me encourage you, dear reader. Use the robots! They're here for you, and they haven't developed cognitive powers (to speak of). This Blackberry is taking the Rocket to the next level! What are you using to take you to the next level? Speaking of which, my old cellphone is or sale. Perhaps for $150 you can use a genuine Rocket artifact to take you to the next level.
Technology is everywhere. You can't get away from it. Most of it is useless, but some of it is utterly invaluable. Take for example, the internet. Because of this technological breakthrough, people all over the world can connect with each other and work together. Hopelessly lonely people suddenly get another shot at love. Advertisers have thousands of new, annoying ways to get in your face. And you get to read the most important blog of your life.
Of course, without the internet, we wouldn't have blogs to begin with. And you would be languishing in your home, by your hearth, choking on the dust from an ancient book. And you would be alone, with no one to cuddle you or give you the heimlich. Tragic. We lost so many good people that way. But now books no longer have the chokehold on our society they once did. You can now read in short, digital spurts thanks to the internet. Really, all technology has been doing for the last 100 years or so is trying to catch up to our pitifully short attention spans. And now finally we have success. But I digress.
Technology can and should be used to your advantage, if you are living in the world of success. Of course, the world of success is something you create for yourself using certain tools. Technology is one of those tools. We're all familiar with cellphones (I should hope). Cellphones are great tools. For example, I used my cellphone a couple of days ago to tell those suckers at the library I wouldn't be coming in to work as I had previous Star Wars marathon engagements. Now I know what you're all thinking: "What a totally predictable reason for the Rocket to skip work." To you who are thinking that, I would say, "Why don't you go ahead and watch another art school, coming of age bore-athon, and let me enjoy one of the greatest cinematic experiences of all time." Moving on . . .
Email. What a concept. I can send mail electronically to whomever I wish on whatever topic. So, for example, I can mail (via the internet), excerpts from my upcoming book to various publishers. Thanks to email I can also get wonderfully form-letter answers like, "Thanks for your contribution to (publishing company). We value your creative work and unique perspective. However at this time we regret to inform you that we are uninterested in pursuing the work you have submitted. [I found that line to be a little harsh] Thank you again for your time." Painful, but at least I didn't have to wait a week for some mugwamp in boots to stick the response in a little box in front of my mom's house. That's the beauty of email.
Two great technologies. Two very important weapons in the successologist's arsenal. But what if those two weapons suddenly became ONE WEAPON?? I speak, of course, of the Blackberry.
The Rocket is now the proud owner of a Blackberry.
And it's not one of those "Blackberry Pearls," which are designed for women and power babies. No, this is a thick and meaty piece of equipment. The kind that makes passersby think, "Why is that guy talking on his calculator?" This item serves two purposes:
1. Efficiency booster. One writer I've been reading refers to these little items as "steroids." They supercharge my efficiency. I can now talk to someone while texting them and emailing them at the same time. A three pronged rocket assault! That just can't be beat. I can now overwhelm my opponents with efficiency. And the big guys have to sit up and take notice when a now hypercharged Rocket goes shooting through their atmosphere. I can't lose!
2. Status Symbol. People respect a man with a chunky phone. Have you watched an 80's movie lately? Who are the power brokers in any 80's movie? The guys with the huge phones! We may have tried to convince ourselves that smaller is better, but who's kidding who? A larger than life man carries a larger than life phone. That's just a fact.
So let me encourage you, dear reader. Use the robots! They're here for you, and they haven't developed cognitive powers (to speak of). This Blackberry is taking the Rocket to the next level! What are you using to take you to the next level? Speaking of which, my old cellphone is or sale. Perhaps for $150 you can use a genuine Rocket artifact to take you to the next level.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Laying Low gets you Nowhere, but it keeps you out of Harm's way
And the record for longest title on the Rocket's blog goes to . . . This post! As you all well know, the Rocket likes to be succinct and witty in his titles, but this novella was necessary to convey the proper message. Life has been an exciting ride for the Rocket lately, full of action, adventure, and romance. Okay, mostly hopes of romance. Well, more like dreams of romance. But that's okay, I am not in the least deterred.
So here's the long overdue update on my life:
I have a new place of employment. It's a haven of peace and learning, a place where the Rocket can really spread his wings. It's called the public library. I assume that most of you have never been there. Your only source of learning is probably this blog. That's fine with me. I encourage you to never set foot in your local public library. It means less work for me.
"But Rocket," you ask, "how did you go from Canadian Tire all-star (2 months running) to librarian in such a short time?" Well, I can tell you that networking played a huge part in my step up in the employment world. One of the best networkers you may ever find on this earth is your mother. Remember that reality, Rocket readers. At any rate, my mother works for city council, which shares a building with the library. She pretty much went in there every day and told them about my many skills. In fact, it took her 54 days to list all of my skills in their entirety. Following such an impressive verbal resume, they were compelled to hire me as a "lending assistant," which essentially means putting the books people return in to the proper aisles.
So now I have a full time job, a classic 9-5 snooze fest. But I'm in the right place. How many great successes have spent much time around books? Einstein? Nobel? Bono? All avid readers. Of course the Rocket is already expanding his mind. I've found this great series called "Encyclopedia Brown." They're fantastic, and they require the reader to solve the mysteries before turning to the back to find out the answers. I'm 2 for 7 so far, but I've gotten those two in the last three that I've tried, so there's improvement. Let me just say that books are the stepping stones to success. Think of them as literal steps that you can climb. But don't actually try to make steps out of the books, especially books from the library. They fine you for that kind of thing. So the successological journey continues unabated.
In other news, the book is coming along nicely. I've shopped it around to a few online publishers. The response has been cautiously pessimistic, but not to worry. This mind is worth it's weight in gold. It's like I'm actually walking around with gold in my head, and I need to figure out a way to extract it without dying. This of course is the next step in my journey.
Stay tuned for more Rocket rules.
Comments are welcome, although they may be privately scoffed at.
So here's the long overdue update on my life:
I have a new place of employment. It's a haven of peace and learning, a place where the Rocket can really spread his wings. It's called the public library. I assume that most of you have never been there. Your only source of learning is probably this blog. That's fine with me. I encourage you to never set foot in your local public library. It means less work for me.
"But Rocket," you ask, "how did you go from Canadian Tire all-star (2 months running) to librarian in such a short time?" Well, I can tell you that networking played a huge part in my step up in the employment world. One of the best networkers you may ever find on this earth is your mother. Remember that reality, Rocket readers. At any rate, my mother works for city council, which shares a building with the library. She pretty much went in there every day and told them about my many skills. In fact, it took her 54 days to list all of my skills in their entirety. Following such an impressive verbal resume, they were compelled to hire me as a "lending assistant," which essentially means putting the books people return in to the proper aisles.
So now I have a full time job, a classic 9-5 snooze fest. But I'm in the right place. How many great successes have spent much time around books? Einstein? Nobel? Bono? All avid readers. Of course the Rocket is already expanding his mind. I've found this great series called "Encyclopedia Brown." They're fantastic, and they require the reader to solve the mysteries before turning to the back to find out the answers. I'm 2 for 7 so far, but I've gotten those two in the last three that I've tried, so there's improvement. Let me just say that books are the stepping stones to success. Think of them as literal steps that you can climb. But don't actually try to make steps out of the books, especially books from the library. They fine you for that kind of thing. So the successological journey continues unabated.
In other news, the book is coming along nicely. I've shopped it around to a few online publishers. The response has been cautiously pessimistic, but not to worry. This mind is worth it's weight in gold. It's like I'm actually walking around with gold in my head, and I need to figure out a way to extract it without dying. This of course is the next step in my journey.
Stay tuned for more Rocket rules.
Comments are welcome, although they may be privately scoffed at.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Sex, Lies, and Betrayal
Okay, mostly just lies and betrayal. I don't have much experience in the first category, but it does draw in readers. I mean, anyone who searched for sex in Google is now disappointedly reading this blog, but reading nonetheless. Welcome, pervy newcomers.
The intention of this post was to give an update to my faithful, and by now probably despairing readers, on the status of my successological journey. I hoped to provide a map for those starting on their journey, based on the long distances I have come. Alas, this was not to be. The Rocket has experienced a sort of misfire (not what you pervy newcomers are thinking) in his journey. One of my main tools of success recently attempted to wrest control of my name, my intellectual property, and ultimately my burgeoning empire. I suppose this is ultimately my fault. I got careless with the very methods I thought I had mastered.
I'm talking of course about outsourcing. This is a very common practice for companies and businesses, but I was pioneering outsourcing on a much more personal level. A friend of mine, we'll call him "Dan," had declared himself quite the fan of my work, and my stated life goals. Because I was so busy pursuing success in so many arenas, and I was familiar with his work on http://stopfiverecords.blogspot.com, I came up with a proposition: He would "ghost write" a few articles on this humble blog (based on information I had given him), and he would be allowed to post the work on stopfive, drawing what he assumed would be a much larger audience. The basics of that deal, I believe, were explained in the networking posts. The fact that he was writing the posts was intended to remain a secret until our dying days. But then a betrayal happened, the likes of which I have never experienced. I will quote Dan's post directly, for the benefit of my faithful readers:
"Oops, I guess I just confessed that I'm the Rocket. I figure most of you guessed that already."
So innocuously written. So playful and harmless. So wrong! I mean, what was he thinking?? Would the public really believe that a second rate blogger and generally repudiated halfwit would be capable of achieving even half of the success I've already achieved? Just foolish! Of course punitive measures have already been taken. He has been asked to return all of the Rocket's Super Nintendo games, and he is no longer welcome to the "Rocket's Moon Riders" Facebook group (which is secret but may soon go public). As for the post itself, Dan remains unapologetic. Apparently he is unfamiliar with the concepts of "intellectual property" and "copyrights." But, the crisis itself has been averted. He will no longer be welcome to write the Rocket's posts, hang out at the Rocket's house, or even walk the Rocket's dog. He may still be invited to do the Rocket's laundry.
Rest assured, dear readers, that I will emerge from this crisis stronger, faster, and better than ever. Who in their right mind would try to hold back a rocket? It can't be done. I learn from my few mistakes in order to strengthen my many successes. You can expect a much less controversial update on the happenings of my life in the next few days. I felt it was imperative at this time to deal with the matter at hand.
Thank you again for your patience and commitment.
Savour that thank you. It may be the only one the Rocket ever gives.
The intention of this post was to give an update to my faithful, and by now probably despairing readers, on the status of my successological journey. I hoped to provide a map for those starting on their journey, based on the long distances I have come. Alas, this was not to be. The Rocket has experienced a sort of misfire (not what you pervy newcomers are thinking) in his journey. One of my main tools of success recently attempted to wrest control of my name, my intellectual property, and ultimately my burgeoning empire. I suppose this is ultimately my fault. I got careless with the very methods I thought I had mastered.
I'm talking of course about outsourcing. This is a very common practice for companies and businesses, but I was pioneering outsourcing on a much more personal level. A friend of mine, we'll call him "Dan," had declared himself quite the fan of my work, and my stated life goals. Because I was so busy pursuing success in so many arenas, and I was familiar with his work on http://stopfiverecords.blogspot.com, I came up with a proposition: He would "ghost write" a few articles on this humble blog (based on information I had given him), and he would be allowed to post the work on stopfive, drawing what he assumed would be a much larger audience. The basics of that deal, I believe, were explained in the networking posts. The fact that he was writing the posts was intended to remain a secret until our dying days. But then a betrayal happened, the likes of which I have never experienced. I will quote Dan's post directly, for the benefit of my faithful readers:
"Oops, I guess I just confessed that I'm the Rocket. I figure most of you guessed that already."
So innocuously written. So playful and harmless. So wrong! I mean, what was he thinking?? Would the public really believe that a second rate blogger and generally repudiated halfwit would be capable of achieving even half of the success I've already achieved? Just foolish! Of course punitive measures have already been taken. He has been asked to return all of the Rocket's Super Nintendo games, and he is no longer welcome to the "Rocket's Moon Riders" Facebook group (which is secret but may soon go public). As for the post itself, Dan remains unapologetic. Apparently he is unfamiliar with the concepts of "intellectual property" and "copyrights." But, the crisis itself has been averted. He will no longer be welcome to write the Rocket's posts, hang out at the Rocket's house, or even walk the Rocket's dog. He may still be invited to do the Rocket's laundry.
Rest assured, dear readers, that I will emerge from this crisis stronger, faster, and better than ever. Who in their right mind would try to hold back a rocket? It can't be done. I learn from my few mistakes in order to strengthen my many successes. You can expect a much less controversial update on the happenings of my life in the next few days. I felt it was imperative at this time to deal with the matter at hand.
Thank you again for your patience and commitment.
Savour that thank you. It may be the only one the Rocket ever gives.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Rocket Rule #3b
Networking Part Two
Now we've already discussed at length the concept of networking. I think we can all agree that concepts are great. But in my overall list of things, concepts rate way below Results. "How do I get results Rocket?" This is the question, I surmise, that you've been asking yourself for the last week now. Of course the observant among you will note that the publishing date for "Rocket Rule #3" is somewhere in the middle of December. But if you believe that nonsense, then you may feel that you have been taking crazy pills, because that was the date I started the post. I only finished it last week. Of course that lapse in time will undoubtedly be used to demonstrate another Rocket Rule sometime in the future. But I won't divulge when or how. That would be irresponsible. And only my mom thinks I'm irresponsible. I would not want to deflate the hero worshipping hearts of my throng of readers with such a misled sentiment.
For the record, one of my lifelong goals is to forever change the pronunciation of the word "misled." For too long it has been pronounced "miss-led," when indeed every sensible English speaking soul agrees that it should be pronounced "mice-old." Think about it for a moment, I'm sure you'll see things my way.
Now lets move on to the heart of the matter. Networking, which is indeed a matter of the heart. No success tool is as powerful, or as dangerous. Succeeders either plant their flags at the crest of this grand mountain, or impale themselves on its jagged rocks, or lose themselves in its deep crevasses, or just get tired and give up and yell at their wayward shurpas. Either way, mastering the art of networking is difficult. How do you become an adept networker like myself? Here's a few skills:
1) Smiling - A successful networker must master the art of the smile. I'm not talking about the smile that comes upon hearing a mildly funny joke, or the smile that comes when you think about the awesome score you got at Jetman last week. I'm talking about the charming "you'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?" smile that most people never come close to acheiving. And it takes time to get there. But you can start with the "I'm appearing to like you" smile. That's usually enough for most networking anyways. Plaster that smile on your face. Take it to work with you. Take it out for dinner and a movie. Perhaps your mildly attractive waitress will even give you a free dessert. That's when you'll know you're making progress. At least, that's how I knew.
2) Handshaking - Firm, with a touch of sincerity. You have to shake long and hard enough to make the other person feel respected, but not enough to make them feel loved. Love is your enemy here. Feelings can get all up in the way of what you're trying to accomplish. On that note, perhaps avoid shaking the hand of the opposite sex for a while. At least until you've mastered the art of burying/ignoring your feelings (which will be covered in the advance networking chapter, which will only be available in my pending book)
3) Talking loudly in Groups = You're in this to get noticed, and loud group talking is how it gets done around here. In some cultures they dance or beat drums to get noticed. Some cultures build large houses and marry hot wives. Wait, that's also ours (another area of advanced networking). This basic skill requires the ability to do two things at once: hold a drink, and talk loudly. Surprisingly, this is one of the tripping points for many would be networkers. Doing two things at once is difficult, I admit. My little brother (and personal assistant in training )Wendel can't even talk while he's listening to music (it's kind of creepy). But if you hope to succeed you must master this skill. Then at some point you can loudly offer your opinion on a host of unimportant subjects (movies, politics, women's hairstyles, 16th century literature, etc.). You're trying to take control of the conversation, and ideally steer it to a point where you can loudly list some of your skills and interests, hoping someone important will overhear. Actors and teenage boys do this all the time. But for some reason it gets forgotten among the rest of us.
4) Telephone Voice - Again, a very underrated skill. Have you ever listened to yourself on the telephone? Here's an idea: go record a voice message right now on your phone and play it back to yourself. Pitiful, isn't it? If you hope to build the kind of networks that will take you to the top, you'll have to develop a great phone voice. Think something along the lines of Jack Bauer meets Bob Barker. You want something tough and no frills, yet lovable. The kind of voice that makes the person on the other end think you might give away money. But really you're out to extract what you need from that person by any means neccessary.
5) A Wide Range of Feigned Interests - Now we all know that caring about things (besides success) is not cool. And it definitely does not help you in your overall purpose. But you may be surprised to know that many people care about a host of different things. People care about puppies and children. People care about who's leading their country or how much money they paid for their oversized death trap SUV. People care about way too many sports. These are all topics you can read about (I recommend wikipedia) and gain some working knowledge. This knowledge will come in handy when some chump who has the money to fund your band's next project asks you what you think about the 2008 New England Patriots. Go ahead and look them up. Apparently they're allergic to losing. They may have been reading this blog.
So there's a little list to start you off. I continue to hone my skills in all of these areas. I've found these techniques to be a great help in moving my success forward. Over the course of the next few weeks I'll be sharing some examples. My faithful readers do need an update on how the Rocket's successological journey is progressing.
Now we've already discussed at length the concept of networking. I think we can all agree that concepts are great. But in my overall list of things, concepts rate way below Results. "How do I get results Rocket?" This is the question, I surmise, that you've been asking yourself for the last week now. Of course the observant among you will note that the publishing date for "Rocket Rule #3" is somewhere in the middle of December. But if you believe that nonsense, then you may feel that you have been taking crazy pills, because that was the date I started the post. I only finished it last week. Of course that lapse in time will undoubtedly be used to demonstrate another Rocket Rule sometime in the future. But I won't divulge when or how. That would be irresponsible. And only my mom thinks I'm irresponsible. I would not want to deflate the hero worshipping hearts of my throng of readers with such a misled sentiment.
For the record, one of my lifelong goals is to forever change the pronunciation of the word "misled." For too long it has been pronounced "miss-led," when indeed every sensible English speaking soul agrees that it should be pronounced "mice-old." Think about it for a moment, I'm sure you'll see things my way.
Now lets move on to the heart of the matter. Networking, which is indeed a matter of the heart. No success tool is as powerful, or as dangerous. Succeeders either plant their flags at the crest of this grand mountain, or impale themselves on its jagged rocks, or lose themselves in its deep crevasses, or just get tired and give up and yell at their wayward shurpas. Either way, mastering the art of networking is difficult. How do you become an adept networker like myself? Here's a few skills:
1) Smiling - A successful networker must master the art of the smile. I'm not talking about the smile that comes upon hearing a mildly funny joke, or the smile that comes when you think about the awesome score you got at Jetman last week. I'm talking about the charming "you'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?" smile that most people never come close to acheiving. And it takes time to get there. But you can start with the "I'm appearing to like you" smile. That's usually enough for most networking anyways. Plaster that smile on your face. Take it to work with you. Take it out for dinner and a movie. Perhaps your mildly attractive waitress will even give you a free dessert. That's when you'll know you're making progress. At least, that's how I knew.
2) Handshaking - Firm, with a touch of sincerity. You have to shake long and hard enough to make the other person feel respected, but not enough to make them feel loved. Love is your enemy here. Feelings can get all up in the way of what you're trying to accomplish. On that note, perhaps avoid shaking the hand of the opposite sex for a while. At least until you've mastered the art of burying/ignoring your feelings (which will be covered in the advance networking chapter, which will only be available in my pending book)
3) Talking loudly in Groups = You're in this to get noticed, and loud group talking is how it gets done around here. In some cultures they dance or beat drums to get noticed. Some cultures build large houses and marry hot wives. Wait, that's also ours (another area of advanced networking). This basic skill requires the ability to do two things at once: hold a drink, and talk loudly. Surprisingly, this is one of the tripping points for many would be networkers. Doing two things at once is difficult, I admit. My little brother (and personal assistant in training )Wendel can't even talk while he's listening to music (it's kind of creepy). But if you hope to succeed you must master this skill. Then at some point you can loudly offer your opinion on a host of unimportant subjects (movies, politics, women's hairstyles, 16th century literature, etc.). You're trying to take control of the conversation, and ideally steer it to a point where you can loudly list some of your skills and interests, hoping someone important will overhear. Actors and teenage boys do this all the time. But for some reason it gets forgotten among the rest of us.
4) Telephone Voice - Again, a very underrated skill. Have you ever listened to yourself on the telephone? Here's an idea: go record a voice message right now on your phone and play it back to yourself. Pitiful, isn't it? If you hope to build the kind of networks that will take you to the top, you'll have to develop a great phone voice. Think something along the lines of Jack Bauer meets Bob Barker. You want something tough and no frills, yet lovable. The kind of voice that makes the person on the other end think you might give away money. But really you're out to extract what you need from that person by any means neccessary.
5) A Wide Range of Feigned Interests - Now we all know that caring about things (besides success) is not cool. And it definitely does not help you in your overall purpose. But you may be surprised to know that many people care about a host of different things. People care about puppies and children. People care about who's leading their country or how much money they paid for their oversized death trap SUV. People care about way too many sports. These are all topics you can read about (I recommend wikipedia) and gain some working knowledge. This knowledge will come in handy when some chump who has the money to fund your band's next project asks you what you think about the 2008 New England Patriots. Go ahead and look them up. Apparently they're allergic to losing. They may have been reading this blog.
So there's a little list to start you off. I continue to hone my skills in all of these areas. I've found these techniques to be a great help in moving my success forward. Over the course of the next few weeks I'll be sharing some examples. My faithful readers do need an update on how the Rocket's successological journey is progressing.
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