Rocket Rule #4

Use the Robots to Your Advantage


Technology is everywhere. You can't get away from it. Most of it is useless, but some of it is utterly invaluable. Take for example, the internet. Because of this technological breakthrough, people all over the world can connect with each other and work together. Hopelessly lonely people suddenly get another shot at love. Advertisers have thousands of new, annoying ways to get in your face. And you get to read the most important blog of your life.

Of course, without the internet, we wouldn't have blogs to begin with. And you would be languishing in your home, by your hearth, choking on the dust from an ancient book. And you would be alone, with no one to cuddle you or give you the heimlich. Tragic. We lost so many good people that way. But now books no longer have the chokehold on our society they once did. You can now read in short, digital spurts thanks to the internet. Really, all technology has been doing for the last 100 years or so is trying to catch up to our pitifully short attention spans. And now finally we have success. But I digress.

Technology can and should be used to your advantage, if you are living in the world of success. Of course, the world of success is something you create for yourself using certain tools. Technology is one of those tools. We're all familiar with cellphones (I should hope). Cellphones are great tools. For example, I used my cellphone a couple of days ago to tell those suckers at the library I wouldn't be coming in to work as I had previous Star Wars marathon engagements. Now I know what you're all thinking: "What a totally predictable reason for the Rocket to skip work." To you who are thinking that, I would say, "Why don't you go ahead and watch another art school, coming of age bore-athon, and let me enjoy one of the greatest cinematic experiences of all time." Moving on . . .

Email. What a concept. I can send mail electronically to whomever I wish on whatever topic. So, for example, I can mail (via the internet), excerpts from my upcoming book to various publishers. Thanks to email I can also get wonderfully form-letter answers like, "Thanks for your contribution to (publishing company). We value your creative work and unique perspective. However at this time we regret to inform you that we are uninterested in pursuing the work you have submitted. [I found that line to be a little harsh] Thank you again for your time." Painful, but at least I didn't have to wait a week for some mugwamp in boots to stick the response in a little box in front of my mom's house. That's the beauty of email.

Two great technologies. Two very important weapons in the successologist's arsenal. But what if those two weapons suddenly became ONE WEAPON?? I speak, of course, of the Blackberry.

The Rocket is now the proud owner of a Blackberry.

And it's not one of those "Blackberry Pearls," which are designed for women and power babies. No, this is a thick and meaty piece of equipment. The kind that makes passersby think, "Why is that guy talking on his calculator?" This item serves two purposes:

1. Efficiency booster. One writer I've been reading refers to these little items as "steroids." They supercharge my efficiency. I can now talk to someone while texting them and emailing them at the same time. A three pronged rocket assault! That just can't be beat. I can now overwhelm my opponents with efficiency. And the big guys have to sit up and take notice when a now hypercharged Rocket goes shooting through their atmosphere. I can't lose!

2. Status Symbol. People respect a man with a chunky phone. Have you watched an 80's movie lately? Who are the power brokers in any 80's movie? The guys with the huge phones! We may have tried to convince ourselves that smaller is better, but who's kidding who? A larger than life man carries a larger than life phone. That's just a fact.

So let me encourage you, dear reader. Use the robots! They're here for you, and they haven't developed cognitive powers (to speak of). This Blackberry is taking the Rocket to the next level! What are you using to take you to the next level? Speaking of which, my old cellphone is or sale. Perhaps for $150 you can use a genuine Rocket artifact to take you to the next level.